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They're saying I quit, they're saying I abandoned what I've worked for, toiled for, and bled for.
I'm not sure what for, last I checked I've just stopped caring for the opinions of others.
Who cares if I'm respected, I've done all that was expected.
I need to decompress before the coming missions, I've done alot of 'proselytizing' but this one should feel different.
People have a habit of misperceiving my disposition. I guess I behave different from what I feel, what I think.
Sometimes, I just can't control my emotions and I get out of control. It drives me to extremes, I'm trying to master them, but I've always been like this, Ansel told me when I was younger I was developing a bad reputation due to it. I managed to control it for a few years, now? Spiraling back into old habits. What can I say? I'm stressed out.
Still.
I don't get how people talk shit about me, I came from nothing, I wore rags and Fantsay P. Kasca gave me 1,000 crowns to pay for my first change of clothes. I was so stupid, I thought I stole the money when it was a genuine gift. Yuki Akatsuki saved me from a boar in Prospera, could you believe?
You know, they barely paid me attention in Dal'Thala, beyond Sir Adrian, sometimes Vanitas? Whenever he wasn't being emotional, atleast.
I asked them for a job, they offered me one. But I wanted more, I wanted to rise up the ranks, I wanted to make a name for myself, and if I wasn't taken seriously in my homeland, to do something more than that, I'd need to improve myself overseas, maybe go home later when the world knows my name.
So I went, out into the world I strived, my first job in Prospera as a researcher, travelled the whole world and met 'Prince Marfons' 'Knight Rio Caldrott' 'Camilia Ediernon' and 'Alain'. It was great, they just felt to be so genuine, far different than what I had been feeling. I told Camilia back then, I was jealous of her... Or I envied her. Noble Knights, and here I was a coward unable to wield a sword. But... Radahn changed that.
I met a lot of people, I spent a few years in Xuefeng, I spent some in Midpoint, I knew a few faces in Serenity, Who doesn't know me in Gloomlight? I've travelled the world, I've met, and I've engaged with every philosophy, every viewpoint, every position there is to have in these lands. And in all of it, I've found love. I've even spent some nights in Atrellya.
I've fought my battles, I've lost them, I've gotten injured gravely, to this day I'm still not fully fixed.
With all of that, I've also learned what true and genuine evil is, I've learned the true depths of the soul, how far someone is willing to go to achieve their goals. These experiences changed me to my core, and I found myself gripping with reality for a long time, I'd have flashbacks about things that happened, or sometimes I'd relive that very moment repetitively, for hours I'd stress about only thinking about past events, and never looking ahead.
I've been steadily getting better with this problem, but I'm not handling it well, still. Sometimes my aggression feels compulsive, I just make situations worse because in my mind I have to be on top, and to not have the last laugh is pathetic. Some sort of sick competition, no doubt created by some insecurities.
Make a name for myself, I wanted that badly, I remember Prospera, Midpoint. Then I moved to Fortune, I wanted something stable, I wasn't content to just travel forever.
I moved my clan there, I cared for them and I trained them. I built them from the ground up, but I wasn't alone. I had the King, I had their friends, I had the Queen, I had the woman I love, and they're becoming something worth note.
On the back drop of that, I rose from a regular marine, to a Reconnaissance Officer, from there to a Seneschal, and from there to the Ambassador, I never derelicted my duties, despite the frequent disappointments. Even if I wasn't perfect.
I fought to get Lavenza back safely as a marine, regardless of what the truth is.
I fought Deathwind as a Reconnaissance Officer, I thought I had a chance to save Pierre, blessed be to the fact that he saved himself. I managed the Surveyors.
As a Seneschal I organized logistics, I got funds, I came up with ideas to fix problems within our military, I tried to get everyone dealt with, and squared away.
As an Ambassador, I wore my country on my sleeve, and I served in its interests exclusively.
I was there when no nation answered our call, when the Republic was too busy.
I was there every step of the way, at our lowest point and I kept building, I kept fighting the good fight, and I never once told those around me to give up.
I told them, never to fall to despair.
I had nothing when I started off, now I have a clan, how many know my name?
I've got 6 blessings right now and that's not including those from Nemea.
And they're all part of my clan.
I won. I did that, when I go to sleep at night I think, I made it.
How many other people within these lands can say that?
And they dislike me, some say I've quit, saying I should find another settlement to abandon.
I worked to hard for this.
Imagine me getting my validation from some individuals who haven't done what I have, who haven't walked a mile in the shoes I have thread. I guess that's why I'm so abrasive, I guess that's why I've stopped caring about consequences. Because there's nothing to prove, it is known who I am, and I've ultimately chosen to be on the side of what is right.
Even if I'm emotionally explosive about it.
I'm trying my best to do what's right.
First and foremost.
I'm not sure what for, last I checked I've just stopped caring for the opinions of others.
Who cares if I'm respected, I've done all that was expected.
I need to decompress before the coming missions, I've done alot of 'proselytizing' but this one should feel different.
People have a habit of misperceiving my disposition. I guess I behave different from what I feel, what I think.
Sometimes, I just can't control my emotions and I get out of control. It drives me to extremes, I'm trying to master them, but I've always been like this, Ansel told me when I was younger I was developing a bad reputation due to it. I managed to control it for a few years, now? Spiraling back into old habits. What can I say? I'm stressed out.
Still.
I don't get how people talk shit about me, I came from nothing, I wore rags and Fantsay P. Kasca gave me 1,000 crowns to pay for my first change of clothes. I was so stupid, I thought I stole the money when it was a genuine gift. Yuki Akatsuki saved me from a boar in Prospera, could you believe?
You know, they barely paid me attention in Dal'Thala, beyond Sir Adrian, sometimes Vanitas? Whenever he wasn't being emotional, atleast.
I asked them for a job, they offered me one. But I wanted more, I wanted to rise up the ranks, I wanted to make a name for myself, and if I wasn't taken seriously in my homeland, to do something more than that, I'd need to improve myself overseas, maybe go home later when the world knows my name.
So I went, out into the world I strived, my first job in Prospera as a researcher, travelled the whole world and met 'Prince Marfons' 'Knight Rio Caldrott' 'Camilia Ediernon' and 'Alain'. It was great, they just felt to be so genuine, far different than what I had been feeling. I told Camilia back then, I was jealous of her... Or I envied her. Noble Knights, and here I was a coward unable to wield a sword. But... Radahn changed that.
I met a lot of people, I spent a few years in Xuefeng, I spent some in Midpoint, I knew a few faces in Serenity, Who doesn't know me in Gloomlight? I've travelled the world, I've met, and I've engaged with every philosophy, every viewpoint, every position there is to have in these lands. And in all of it, I've found love. I've even spent some nights in Atrellya.
I've fought my battles, I've lost them, I've gotten injured gravely, to this day I'm still not fully fixed.
With all of that, I've also learned what true and genuine evil is, I've learned the true depths of the soul, how far someone is willing to go to achieve their goals. These experiences changed me to my core, and I found myself gripping with reality for a long time, I'd have flashbacks about things that happened, or sometimes I'd relive that very moment repetitively, for hours I'd stress about only thinking about past events, and never looking ahead.
I've been steadily getting better with this problem, but I'm not handling it well, still. Sometimes my aggression feels compulsive, I just make situations worse because in my mind I have to be on top, and to not have the last laugh is pathetic. Some sort of sick competition, no doubt created by some insecurities.
Make a name for myself, I wanted that badly, I remember Prospera, Midpoint. Then I moved to Fortune, I wanted something stable, I wasn't content to just travel forever.
I moved my clan there, I cared for them and I trained them. I built them from the ground up, but I wasn't alone. I had the King, I had their friends, I had the Queen, I had the woman I love, and they're becoming something worth note.
On the back drop of that, I rose from a regular marine, to a Reconnaissance Officer, from there to a Seneschal, and from there to the Ambassador, I never derelicted my duties, despite the frequent disappointments. Even if I wasn't perfect.
I fought to get Lavenza back safely as a marine, regardless of what the truth is.
I fought Deathwind as a Reconnaissance Officer, I thought I had a chance to save Pierre, blessed be to the fact that he saved himself. I managed the Surveyors.
As a Seneschal I organized logistics, I got funds, I came up with ideas to fix problems within our military, I tried to get everyone dealt with, and squared away.
As an Ambassador, I wore my country on my sleeve, and I served in its interests exclusively.
I was there when no nation answered our call, when the Republic was too busy.
I was there every step of the way, at our lowest point and I kept building, I kept fighting the good fight, and I never once told those around me to give up.
I told them, never to fall to despair.
I had nothing when I started off, now I have a clan, how many know my name?
I've got 6 blessings right now and that's not including those from Nemea.
And they're all part of my clan.
I won. I did that, when I go to sleep at night I think, I made it.
How many other people within these lands can say that?
And they dislike me, some say I've quit, saying I should find another settlement to abandon.
I worked to hard for this.
Imagine me getting my validation from some individuals who haven't done what I have, who haven't walked a mile in the shoes I have thread. I guess that's why I'm so abrasive, I guess that's why I've stopped caring about consequences. Because there's nothing to prove, it is known who I am, and I've ultimately chosen to be on the side of what is right.
Even if I'm emotionally explosive about it.
I'm trying my best to do what's right.
First and foremost.