I Don't Know Who I Am

[ry0un0suke]

. . .

That day plays in my head over and over again. I explain it and no one understands. I explain it and no one hears me. I am screaming, trying my best to describe those blessings unto my spirit and how strong I am. I am sorry! Please, see only my trembling strength. See only mother's doing and Her trials I will survive; Endure a thousand times over because I am good. I promise it. Sixty autumns later, why is nothing changing?

. . .

Someone who knows me 

might be waiting for me to disappear

like my presence irks them,

my name a bad omen

and something to forget.

That someone may be me

so I torture myself.

Confined,

enduring,

as nothing I do matters.

Hands never called upon,

my life is a burden.

And I am famous.

And I am renowned.

And I am well-known.

And not a soul sees me.

Starstruck before a visage

they cannot make out.

It would be better,

even if dying scares me,

that I killed the sun.

. . .

I am not any better.

I am sorry.

Would you ever forgive me?