Fragmented Self

[Juniper]

Dear mother,

Do you even exist? I left home today, for the third time. What is home like? Did I have friends? Was it warm? Was it dark? Did I do good things? Was I a good person? Was I a good daughter? Was I your daughter? Did someone love me? Did someone hurt me? I don’t know why I keep doing this. Why didn’t I stay? Do you know what made me leave? Can you tell me? Can you tell me? What’s wrong with me? Who did this to me? I found a group of people, I think they can help me. Did anyone care? Was it worth staying? Is it worth hurting over? Is it worth remembering? Is it worth starting over? Someone helped me once, and it felt good. Can I do that for others? Can I help others? Can I heal others? Can I uplift others? Can I fix others? Can I save others? I think I want to be able to do that. How do I do it? How should I do it? How could I do it? How could I not do it? I’d probably be really good at it, and I think it would be good for me. What’s best for me? Is it okay to think about me? How do I become the best version of me? How do I make this worth it for me? The more I think about it, the better it feels. How do I get better? How do I get healthier? How do I get stronger? How do I get smarter? How do I get kinder? How do I get softer? Maybe I’ve found where I’m supposed to be.
I think I’ll keep at it.
Love you,
Juniper