The Darkest & Brightest

[Milly]

I don’t need to worry about things, usually. Typically things are just taken care of for me, and that’s that. After I was able to go back home, I found myself staying in my room a lot more, since it has everything I need… Minus when I need to go and get food. Sometimes I would sneak outside and stare up at the endless void that served as the sky for Aphros, and I tried to count the twinkling stars that someone put up there. Then I stopped when I inevitably lost count. I’m pretty sure the last time I counted, before I moved to Prospera, was three hundred and twenty-four. The count before that was four hundred and sixteen.

When I went, sometimes I’d see one of the retainers my dad hired on. I tried to be polite, even if I didn’t feel up to it so I offered just a quick hello and goodbye. But she always tried to ask if I needed anything. I never did. I didn’t see much use in bothering others, since I thought I could take care of myself.

Did you know you can buy these little packets of pre-made noodles that are dehydrated? All you need to do is boil some water and put them in so they re-hydrate, and then you’re free to add seasonings and they taste pretty good. I used to refuse to eat meat, or really anything with animal products in it but it was hard. The servants would try to give me milk. They’d try to sneak meat into my meals… But I’d always refuse it.

Dad and I used to argue about it.
I’ve since given up on the idea.

I’m not sure why all of these thoughts suddenly came to me, but I find myself in my apartment in Prospera all alone. These last few days it’s been hard to capture myself alone, with no one else around. Now that it’s happened it’s hard to process and handle, and I’m not sure what I can do.

Well. I guess that’s a lie. I have plans to work on and things to sell. But can I really do it on my own? Can I do that while trying to garner my own self discipline over myself? All these thoughts and ideas make my head hurt, and I wish I was just asleep. Maybe permanently. Maybe Ginnie was right about me.