The Colors that Never Come

[GSM]

it could’ve been different, but here we are

once, in the past self, we were contemporary.
once, in the past self, you looked up to me.
once, in the past self, i was your king, your god, an unreachable figure so high above.
once, in the past self, i gave everything you needed to match me.
my little brother, my rising star
my second death, my right hand
why did it come to be this way?
you followed me to the letter.
you became something so few of us ever could have.
you damned yourself without realizing it.
you are imprisoned, now, by your own soul’s ambitions.
i could not be there for your human form’s death
a piece of me is lost upon this day
i have asked many if it is wrong to grieve your death
they all said yes, but to grieve my own, regardless
it’s been over fifty years since we met.
your very father does not grieve you as i now do.
so many rebuked and celebrated, as they should; you were their enemy.
so why am i the only one who feels hollowed?
i raised you into boots you could not fill, my own
why can’t anyone else feel my hurt?
and now you are trapped, to die a final death
 is anyone else even listening to me?
all i hope for is to fulfill my promise to you
i had known a fate worse than yours, and you will know it as well.
your reprieve will be a final release, a true death.
not… this.
it would only be right if it were by my hand,
as it was the same that let you ferment over many years.
you are a product of my past sins, and a sin i have yet to repent for.
you reviled and lambasted my form, my purified state
i have suffered my languished existence enough
you hated fate, but this was my thread to follow
to know more than most any will ever
to be human
this suffering is exalted.
it is my creator’s wish that i suffer, too, and suffering i am.
he made the soul to learn from human error, through many lives;
i merely was given the opportunity to live a second.
of all things, i only hope you do not hate me.
you said yourself that you do not hate me or mine
we pity each other for being upon the wrong side
that is no way to live, being unable to see the other’s stance
why can’t anyone else feel my hurt?
merely know this, my dear eranath.
i will enact my promise not only of my own duty,
but it comes from a place of love.
i have many thoughts of you,
and many of them can now never be said to listening ears
this all has purpose, yes?
i only wish others could understand
i cannot allow you to suffer in a silent hell,
your own hell, of your own making.
for that is a mortal’s worst hell,
this imperfect paradise you’ve made for yourself.
when it is over, when your soul leaves this husk you have fashioned,
gaze at the world you left behind, and be proud of your place
in my heart, at the very least
you will be far more welcomed in your resting place
i will treat you to the death you deserve.
so you may pass on,
by my hand, and no less.
knowing the love of kraus in your incomplete form
i hope you understand.