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A Life Reforged - StarMann - 10-22-2021
A life lived in service of others, forever chasing the shards of a broken life, slowly stitching them together just in time for the next blow to scatter them once again.
![[Image: 8YpkdHz.png]](https://i.imgur.com/8YpkdHz.png)
What does it mean to outlast everything? Yes, I've overcome my enemies, their challenges and I've closed the rifts split open by their deeds. But I've also lost friends, family and have been left the sole survivor more than once. I came to Esshar expecting to find warriors befitting the great Rhoynish tales of old, men of great strength, conviction and commitment. I was met with bandits and brigands. And yet I still settled in amongst them. I'd found a new home, a new life and it was shattered.
Cedric, Caligo, Pu'erh, Cecilio, Alessio, Silvia, Rowen... Marina and Blair. Wherever you are now, I hope that life is kind, that you have found whatever it was you sought and that you are living the best that you can. You were my family on Esshar and even if it only lasted a couple of years this was the foundation of who I am today. I will never forget you, the good and the bad. The memories we shared and the scars you left on my soul in your departures.
What I was left with was a broken Clan. With just myself and having been left Kaine and Furiae to raise it was a difficult period. One of those moments in the old tales where someone's mettle is tested, where the heroes journey had a fork in the road. I will not lie and say I did not contemplate abandoning this land for kinder pastures... But I had been hurt, a deep aching pain that burned away at my insides. That fierce icy fire of loss. And what did I do with that pain? I held it tight, memorised its facets and declared something simple to myself. "No one else will ever have to feel this pain, not on my watch." I sought out a Lorespeaker and spent the better part of a year with them learning everything I could, committing every tale, every victory and every single moment of the history that he knew to my own memory.
Plans were started, a merging with Aesirheim. Furiae had taken the reins in my absence and things were starting to look up and then as soon as they had started, those that had abandoned us struck out once more. Forces from Asphodel under instructions from their leader, Marina, had gone to claim a bounty of the figurehead of Aesirheim, Ragnhild. With her capture the momentum we had gathered died and alongside it so did Furiae's spirit. In her stead I seized matters into my own hands, forged alliances with the surrounding factions, made our Fort a safe haven for our people, sending out a call to all of those Rhoynish without a home and we soon grew in size once more.
Cedric, Caligo, Pu'erh, Cecilio, Alessio, Silvia, Rowen... Marina and Blair. Wherever you are now, I hope that life is kind, that you have found whatever it was you sought and that you are living the best that you can. You were my family on Esshar and even if it only lasted a couple of years this was the foundation of who I am today. I will never forget you, the good and the bad. The memories we shared and the scars you left on my soul in your departures.
What I was left with was a broken Clan. With just myself and having been left Kaine and Furiae to raise it was a difficult period. One of those moments in the old tales where someone's mettle is tested, where the heroes journey had a fork in the road. I will not lie and say I did not contemplate abandoning this land for kinder pastures... But I had been hurt, a deep aching pain that burned away at my insides. That fierce icy fire of loss. And what did I do with that pain? I held it tight, memorised its facets and declared something simple to myself. "No one else will ever have to feel this pain, not on my watch." I sought out a Lorespeaker and spent the better part of a year with them learning everything I could, committing every tale, every victory and every single moment of the history that he knew to my own memory.
Plans were started, a merging with Aesirheim. Furiae had taken the reins in my absence and things were starting to look up and then as soon as they had started, those that had abandoned us struck out once more. Forces from Asphodel under instructions from their leader, Marina, had gone to claim a bounty of the figurehead of Aesirheim, Ragnhild. With her capture the momentum we had gathered died and alongside it so did Furiae's spirit. In her stead I seized matters into my own hands, forged alliances with the surrounding factions, made our Fort a safe haven for our people, sending out a call to all of those Rhoynish without a home and we soon grew in size once more.
The scraps of our clan were slowly stitched back together and we found a strange calmness. We had our place in the world, carved out through effort and persistence. I did everything in my power to reinforce what we had before finally passing the leadership onto the heir of it all, Kaine. Sure there were some bumpy sections of his initial reign, like starting a war against our oldest ally which I thankfully managed to resolve.
And now we have the other heir, Samina. A brat, to be sure, but so was Kaine and Furiae back in the day. Another lost child to take under my wing. Sure, even this had its difficulties, she bit off more than she could chew in a search for her independence, her own strength. The day she was brought to me, a hole in her heart, the light going out in her eyes... As much as I've lost that was still perhaps the worst day of my life. To save the life of someone you consider to be your own daughter, I wouldn't wish that stress on even my worst enemy. But it was worth it and now she stands tall on her own.
Yes, my two 'children' are now at each other's throats but there's something quietly encouraging about that. The younger challenging to older in order to reach her own set of ideals while the older doesn't want what he's earned to tear away at the seams. An echo of my own past perhaps. The pain of my own loss has lessened over the years, the flame dying out and with it so does my motivation. That driving spite to set things right has drained in the face of this success. While the new generation has its own share of issues I am content that they are privileged enough to allow themselves this kind of infighting.
They don't need me anymore, not really. So perhaps its time I did more further afield, exploring the lands and visiting the other clans. Yes, I am Ilian's sole Lore Speaker and perhaps this is selfish of me but I've set things up to survive without my presence. It may be difficult for them to adjust to my absence but I wont be gone forever. I still love them but I think its time to use up these well earned vacation days.
One Day I shall Come Back, yes, I shall come back. Until then there must be no regrets, no tears, no anxieties. Just go forward in all your beliefs and prove to me that I am not mistaken in mine. I am not leaving you forever but I will no longer be meddling in your daily lives. My path has ended, my goals sit complete. And so its time for you to walk your own. I've given you a direction and a shove out the door but you don't need me for the rest of it despite how much we may miss one another. - Katrana of Clan Hauklos