ry0un0sukeCharted Constellations
#1
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1730 Charted Constellations
 
Is there a path we walk, one predetermined, charted like the constellations. Different depending on where you are but the same nonetheless
Are we doomed to follow such we cannot change? Can we change it? Shift the very celestial bodies that mark our destiny? I am unsure.
 I want to be a maker of my own fate yet there is only so much I can do to alter the course I'm designed to walk. 
The path before me looks bleak, especially when I see what leads to it. Can I tread a new path? 
One that does not leave me wary, or scared.
 
The future scares me.
 
Yet I find solace in the stars. Its shine and the stories it tells. The lessons I can learn if I look to those who came prior, who will come, who are here. 
Even if behind me there's crimson foot steps and silent pleas. Where did they come from? Who begs? I don't know what they say- 
I cannot understand-- Comprehend what it is I'm meant to do. Perhaps hold out, wandering until I meet the end.
There is no greater purpose for me. What shines tells me so. Or, to they? It all sounds the sound. Hushed words from all directions. 
I cannot pinpoint who whispers such to me but I know I can either listen to defy. Forge a path of my own, under the guidance of my own light and will. 
 
I am scared, scared to decide where it is I should go. 
 
So instead of making a firm decision, right or left. Up or down. White or black.
My thoughts will meet paper, penned down, as though traced like constellations, coming together from main points to form a bigger picture.
 
My picture.
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#2
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1732 The Branches
 
I think that my life is an empty sky. At least it was. Someone I met who spoke in poems made me think of my life as one.
The Stars are experiences that I wish to pen them all. Each Star I've come across and that lingers within my night sky, painting a picture.
There exists, for now, three branches of the forming picture I do not yet know. Three distinct hues.
And Falling Stars. These do not linger. Their hue ever changing.
Black Stars. I've not encountered one, I cannot see them but they feel suffocating, like they pull other Stars in.
I hope to not gain a Black Star.
The first of these Branches, Branch Famille.
 
Branch Famille
 
Consisting of six Stars. Four of them far too dim to truly be felt. The light. Perhaps in the past I've felt it, but currently, they are far away.
The Stars are blue, like the waves, the sky. Varying shades, varying intensity.
 
Aout, a Star of Duty. Purpose.
 
A Star that moves, oddly enough. From where I stand, it seems to move far away then closer. Or perhaps its light pulses, sometimes strong, sometimes faint, weak. Yet when I feel its gentle light, its caring light, I am reminded of why it moves so much. It moves away to not blind me, or overwhelm me. At least I will tell myself that there is a higher purpose as to why it does such a thing. It has a duty to uphold. I know and realize it. It reminds me that I have my own duties. 
How bright Aout is, a deep, rich blue like the sky when the sun is at its highest.
 
Sai, a Star of Kindness. Closeness.
 
Close. This is the closest of Stars within the Famille branch. A Star I know well. Always do I gaze at it, watching its hue shift. Sometimes growing deeper and deeper into that azure. Sometimes, I forget I'm looking at the night sky and not out into the ocean. One another Star makes me feel such a way. Unfortunately, its light is dimming. Sai has allowed for me to look at other Stars. To bond with it over the years has set a foundation for what I'm to expect from a person. It is close, perhaps it can be compared to the Moon. I'm unsure if other Stars will be like the Moon, but Sai is the Moon of this branch. A Moon with gentle seas.
 
Aili, a Star of Hope. Love.
 
It's a dim Star, one of four. The first of four that I will write. The second to dim and dim. This is a light I miss more than anything. It's taught me the fundamentals. I learned from its light, I still try to pull what I can from it. Yet I cannot go to it, raise my hands to the heavens and get a response no matter how hard I try. I've come to accept that the light will never return. My words will not be heard. Even so, as I grow and see the care of others, I am reminded of how love radiated from this Aili.
 
Loup, a Star of Patience.
 
The first to dim. I was far too young when it happened to think of another attribute of this light. My eyes witnessed the fade, but I won't forget how Loup shined and shared its light with the others of Famille.
 
Lo and An. Unknown Stars.
 
Two Stars. They were once close, as I listened to Aili in the past, when its light reached me. But as I learn and learn. These old, dim Stars drifted. Though not further from me, but each other. I've not seen or anything like that. I suppose I didn't see it. I never did, only hearing. Hearing of passion from Lo and the sturdiness but lack of light from An. I don't entirely understand. But sometimes do I see the vibrant blues of Lo, like the ocean, truly. Sai takes after it. 
 
Next, Branch Foi. A growing Branch of Stars with a green hue. The grass, the trees.
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#3
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1738, Autumn
  
  So much as occurred. War wages on the earth. Bodies fall limp and souls make a hasty departure for the Stars. It's made me further look into my own little constellation that forms in my night sky. I feel fearful that their lights will dim and I'll no longer be able to bask in their ever giving light. It truly frightens me. Before I can lose any other Stars, I feel compelled to immortalize them through writing. While I can't see them in the true sky, in my own, I can...
Some are without, some are with. The chill of the wind and crunch of the leaves- The relocation of home has given me much to think on.
 
Branch Foi
  
Prie, a Star of Giving, Sacrifice
 
A fading Star. I've lost count of the times I've wept and wept and wept. But, before my sights were nothing but tears, I would smile. The sight of Prie left me smiling and feeling free yet safe and secure. For years, its reminded me of another Star, one also now faded. I call for you quite a bit. I bring my hands up and wish to feel the rays of your light as I once did before but, no amount of prayer will make it the case. The Angels and Stars have accepted this fading Star and I, too, must accept it. It's no easy, but I've learned to heal and manage. I will never forget what I've learned. The value of bonds and opening up. I'm not sure what I'll say if I got the chance to... Perhaps,
Thank you for believing that I could shine.
 
Spow, a Star of Happiness, Secrets
 
What a happy sight to behold. A sparkling emerald that seems to shine brighter even when things are grim. When the night sky only seems to darken and darken. I feel like I can speak truthfully to this Star. My thoughts shared in confidence. There's no judgement in the joyous shine. But it hides so much. Perhaps it shines too brightly, sparkles too much. It doesn't allow itself a break and I worry when I see that pulsates so much... A worry from care, love. It hurts, I know...
  
Rami, a Star of Order, Safety
  
So much structure in its glow. I'm not sure how I could pick that up from a Star. It's more distant from me but, even so, I can feel the care and concern. For years I have. I've grown alongside this Star, watching the change. I was always scared to look at this one. At times, I felt intimidated but I feel safe when with this Star. Rami provides quite a bit, more than its given credit for. I wish to spend more time beneath this light, learning just how it could emit itself in such a way...
  
 Nant, a Star of Distance
  
There's not much I can say for this Star. Not often does it catch my glance but, it makes up this Branch like the others. It holds an importance to me despite how distant it grows... It saddens me that this has become the case but, perhaps it's always been this way? I hope wherever it distances itself to it may find what it seeks.
  
Fa and Sea, Twin Stars of Zealous
  
Where do I even begin? These are new Stars, birthed into existence recently and shining so bright. I can feel the passion radiate from them both. Often one is not without the other, hence why they're the Twin Stars, Fa and Sea. Their light has been nothing but a pleasure. I cannot help but smile when in their presence, when gazing out. Both inspiring and concerning. I'm unsure how that's been done...
 
I know the importance of Stars as a faithful. But truly, when you step back and chart it out. They have more of an effect than one would realize initially. Perhaps everyone should take a step back and look at the sky when the sky darkens and darkens, and Stars dot the sky. 
I should write more. I've forgotten how fun it was to look at the past and think fondly of these Stars.
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#4
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1741, Winter
 
It's cold even as I feel the flames of war. Bright and bursting with sheer hatred. The blood scorched my very skin, screams setting my entire being ablaze. Caught within raining embers and ash of what remained- Freezing. With nothing there, no light that shimmers from this once together city- Or were we? Factions tore to shreds, crumbling. Every aspect. Few souls remained valiant through it all. Those who remain carry this one bright light, now faint. 
  
What remains tint my fingers blue.
  
 Branch Lioh
  
Mro, a Star of Passion, Unmoving
  
I am always intimated by the crimson glow of this Star. Such a light of love. Every action taken with that in mind. A burning, fiery passion from this one. Ground is held. Rarely bending and breaking to another- Perhaps maybe one. But it mends from what I've seen. I hope that this passion remains pure and does not turn into a hatred.
 
Tear, a Star of Shadows, Laughter
   
Twisted? No, no. A light cast along this dark crimson Star to reveal the truth there. Poetry within the shadows it drew. How a Star would produce a shadow I am not sure. This one does, and they're dark. Like a swirling abyss along the sky. Mangled? Deranged? I'm unsure. But voices linger within the Star, I assume. Mingling with one another, laughing. It's terrifying. I miss the poems from its light.

 Boz, a Star of Respect
 
I don't understand- Why many can hate this Star and those alike. A light like that of mahogany. Strict, maybe. With itself. A light that demands... something. Respect, perhaps. As though it never had that. Looked upon with distaste- Is it because its red hue shone differently? I find this light rather gorgeous. The flares, dangerous, yet its not a dangerous Star. Respectable- Though sometimes it shines when it shouldn't, and doesn't when it should.
 
Ori, a Star of Fire, Fury
 
For years have I stared... My gaze always changing. I admire the frequent flares, how it looks like it burns- Stars emit light, light which stems from such powerful rays and I simply want to stick my hand there to see how much my skin would sizzle. I don't think it would hurt in all honesty. Such fires produce to ward others off, like I am one exempt from these blasts of rage and fury. My hand does not catch fire, I don't reel back in agony. There are no screams for mercy- I am elated if anything. Overjoyed to bask within such ferocious rays. I love it, actually. Continue to. 
 
Set flames to the earth, my love.
- - - - - - -
 
...sideribus atris...
 
Consuming things. Selfish. Not evil, yet these... masses within the sky, seek to destroy... Eat and grow... I cannot see you, yet I feel you. Move away from my constellations. Go away, go away- Do not destroy what has built me- But you may destroy me. Leave them be.
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#5
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Sometimes, I've felt as though I should pen what occurs in more detail. For years have I charted my life and those around them that make me who I am today, portrayed as stars in the constellation that map out who I am. I'm unsure as to how it looks. It couldn't be a lion, I'm too gentle. I feel gentle, at least. Since the destruction of my first home, many paint me as mad and unforgiving. What they think matters little to me. Perhaps they see a lion and others see a flower. But, I do not write for what others may think.
 
I write, partially, for those who do not know.
 
Perhaps one day, something written can be found. I don't think I'll die any time soon. There's so much to work on! I've amassed thirteen-thousand coin for the expansion of Nysea, for a Church. For several years, I've began drafting a new edition of the Cosmos Codex. It's not complete and I'm not sure I ever will. But, I'm nearly there.
 
This has shifted into a diary entry, it seems. Let me put it back on track.
I wasn't always much of a writer.
 
All who have known me knew me as Del. My father named me Dellarossa mer Joyau on the Fourth month of 1716AC. My mother used to say it was too hot that day during tat time of year. Dellarossa is a name only one has come to ever refer to me as when I grew and aged. Of all people, he was someone I loved and cared for. I still am haunted by the sight of his body, by the chill it adapted as I dragged him away, my own body beaten badly.
 
Pericles Vitalis, thank you for being there for me.
 
--There as silly teeanger was kissed for the first time by their first and last love. A mercenary who didn't want to slow down for anyone, even the one who became to be his universe in the end. He's sleeping right now, with the boys as I write. How peaceful, how quiet. I hope he enjoys it. The slowness of it, marriage and parenthood. It's a slow burn, like crackles of embers spreading.
 
Owyn, I love you more than anything.
 
I was once told a few years ago that I could possibly had claim to a Warlord position. Decades prior, before my father, my grandparent held a seat- Warlord Lukas mer Joyau. It's buried in history, buried with the might and rise of dragonkind in Theria. I'm saddened, however. I didn't get to speak more to Dun Task. I know little of my heritage in Theria-- Would anyone believe that? That the Stellus had Therian roots? I was told it explained how angry I can get. Are Therians always so angry?
 
My mind feels all over the place. I am unsure what to write. Is this a diary entry? I never felt like the type to pen my thoughts in such a manner.
 
Compelled, to write of those I care for. People think poorly of me. Let them, I do not care for the thoughts of those who never walked an inch in my shoes. True to who I am, guided by Leonaus, noticed by Maltziel...
 
Am I a bad person?
 
Such is questioned as I stare at shaking hands. Hands that want to heal so badly yet the black in my heart pushes me sometimes. I don't mean it. Justice is to be served. I've given my body up long ago to the cosmos. I am a speck of Star on Eternia who works what they will. The miracles that people raise their hands towards I want to achieve. Like the Saint Florentina, I've tried to heal. I want to heal.
 
Elis, I'm sorry... Healing hands drained the life from you. I'm haunted by it to this day. He's the second of those I've sent to the Stars. The first, a witch when I was just fifteen. I shook, perhaps I cried... But I never hurt others. I tried my best. Often did I shackle myself from it. It was hard, I will admit. I'm not a bad person, I think. My faith brought an abandoned ten year old salvation. My faith told that child they were not alone. My faith led me to where I am.
 
Sethon, Filia.
 
Do they know how much I love and cherish them? I saw them grow, much like my own children, into beautiful people. Sethon, you work too hard, take a break, lower your bow for just a moment. Drink the tea I told you about- Better yet, after I write, I will seek you. Filia, how quiet you were yet dutiful. You've fallen into a state I understand in portions. I've lost, too. Yet not the one I married, not the one I had children with. You, of all people, deserve a break and time to rest. Your titles, my ivory paired High Keepers, are just titles. Ranks earned tooth and nail... But rest. Forward is the goal but you can pause.
 
Thoughts wander to Alexander when I think of the High Keepers. He is not only my King but my friend. I've seen him in his absolute worst and his best- Or, nearing his best. He rose from the ashes of what Nebula made of him and grow into a man and King I would die for, even if he was a bland as a wall when it came to hobbies. Baking, Alexander. You cannot run from me forever. We will bake, perhaps cookies?
 
There's more, so much more.
 
Lloyd, I miss you. Not a day goes by where you aren't thought about. You were my closest friend, a Knight I could trust my life to. You've seen so much before... your passing. So much horrors. I'm glad Filia could be a light for you. She's a wonderful woman and she misses you dearly. I miss you dearly. You weren't.. awake, or alive. But, the High Angel Maltziel said we were on the path to Avalon. I'm not sure when it will be, but I'll see you later. Much later, I hope. But regardless, we will reunite in Paradise.
 
I'll see you in Avalon, Lloyd.
 
I never hated dragons but one has proven himself a monster. Before Starfall, there was hope. A kindle, Sythaeryn. But you took it away when you took Pericles from me. I hated you, I said I didn't, then I said it again. The discomfort as I struggled and struggled. You took so much after Pericles. It's like it wasn't enough and it seemed like it wasn't because I could still smile at you. I could forgive you, I couldn't wish for you dead because it would simply hurt me.
 
Sythaeryn, don't hurt anyone else.
 
. . . .
 
It's late, or early. The sun cracks above the horizon and I've stayed up too late again. A lot keeps me up. The screams of Osrona, Pericles' body, the witch as she strangled me, another one who choked me so hard I couldn't speak, the one I strangled, the dark I was forced to fear, the Wraith, Asta's piercing shriek as she refused to die, the battlefields I stood in-
 
My hands are shaking. Goodnight, journal. I hope to see you again soon.
I think my birthday is next month.
 
Dellarossa mer Joyau
The Third Month, 1745AC, Winter
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