Conspira-Cees

[SilkiyTea]

It all starts with a thought.

Am I content, or am I not.

I've kept this little journal. Placed my thoughts in it, at first just conspira-cees

I think the name would make her laugh.

Then I started to include my thoughts.
With little, illusionary imagery.

My own eye looking so frightened.

The way I picture the sound in my head looks

And now this doodle.

Animated and alive.
I am happy, aren't I?

I feel like I should be happy.
That I have no reason not to be.

I smile every day.
But it does not keep it away

What is it?
I wish I knew.

What of It is the real Me
I just don't know anymore.

I feel like I have unfinished business.
That I'm forgetting something...

Maybe if I smile hard enough.
That feeling will go away.

I don't show it. There's no reason to.
I know She would understand
Help me
Soothe me.

But she doesn't come to me
For every little thing that ever bothers her.
Does she?

Maybe she does, and I'm just so..
Deaf.

Sometimes. Sometimes I feel genuine.
She makes it so.
Other times, I feel like I'm putting on a show...

And everyone knows how shows are.

They must go on

Till the curtains close.