Ab Intra

[B0b_J3ffers0n]

".. I hope you find shelter, like the pearl in the clam,

I hope a kind current saves you when the whirlpool scatters your plans,

I hope.. the sun in the sky isn't too bright during the sunset today,

I hope.. you find lots of yummy food on your next.. foray.."

- The Song Within The Shell

---

Date: Yiel, Nineteenth.
Location: Gloomlight Grove.

Today I had my first taste of war.

It wasn't something direct. Nothing like the stories I heard back home. There was no fire and brimstone, no giant overwhelming titan, no charging, no screaming - I didn't get to see that. (Thankfully!) No, instead... I got to see the aftermath. The pain that came with it. The sorrow in peoples' eyes as they witnessed the people they care for the most, undergo some of the worst experiences of their lifetime. All for... What?

When I came here; I was told a few things. Firstly, that I would be going to some backwater island close to Meranthe of all places. I was delighted! I was going to be posted somewhere where I wouldn't have to worry about drowning. Somewhere where I wouldn't have to stare death in the face almost constantly. Somewhere where, for once, I wouldn't be judged for a lack of something I hadn't been capable of doing. I was finally getting the post of my dreams. Freedom, an escape, a permanent vacation.

And then...

My Captain told me I would be joining a war.

Not just any old war - no, no.

The war against a demon-controlled settlement.

I'm in over my head.

I'm not like these people.

They stand tall, even in the face of overwhelming pain. They stand tall, even though their friends are injured. They fight, even though they're facing down overwhelming odds. And yet - I'm here. I have the gall to pretend I can even remotely match up to that level of commitment. I mean, I didn't even come here with the intention of being noble. I'm not a hero like these people. Hel, I'm not even a proper soldier! I didn't even pass my Cadet exam properly! I FAILED the practical tests!

... And yet...

Somehow.

Some way.

... Someone, has faith in me. Faith in what I'll become. Sure, she can't even say my name right - and maybe I kind of deserve that kind of humiliation - but... She believes in me. And nobody, not one person, has ever done that. Not one single person in my entire lifetime has flat out told me they believe in anything I have. Not my strength, not my personality, not my intelligence. So why? Why, specifically, does she have faith in me?

I don't understand.

Maybe I never will.

But I don't want to let her down.

... Maybe, through this path that I've stumbled into, I can find a way to repay this faith. And, in kind?

Finally, finally...

Be safe.